Birth story of babe #8
If a woman doesn't look like a Goddess during labor, then someone isn't treating her right. — Ina May Gaskin.
You’d think because this was my 8th birth, (5th home birth/unmedicated with a midwife) I wouldn’t have much more to learn.
That couldn’t be further from the truth!
For the most part my labors have all been pretty straightforward. I have done hypnobirthing in the past, so I learned how to work through contractions by relaxing into them totally.
But as soon as it is time to push I freak out, think I’m going to die, and then have no choice but to spend 30min to an hour pushing a baby out in extreme panic and pain. I have always been able to handle the contractions, but I could never quite figure out how to stay calm or get through pushing without it being excruciating. Thankful I always had somewhat “short” pushing stages, never more than an hour and a half- but I HATED that I always felt so out of control. Pushing NEVER felt right to me either. I felt no relief like many women claim, it just felt like it went against what I was supposed to be doing.
I have read countless books and articles on pain-free birth, and believe that this 100% how birth was intended to be. Many factors prevent that for most women, and it’s not always easy to overcome. I post often on how your subconscious runs 95% of your life, and much of that is set in childhood- including our thoughts around childbirth. In the western world it is common to believe that childbirth=pain, and there’s no way around it.
And so far, I had 7 births that were proof of this pain!
I’m so thankful for how things work out, because this baby decided to hang out for almost 2 weeks past her due date, it gave me time to buy a program called “pain free birth”.
Ideally, this is something you start at the BEGINNING of your pregnancy and work through the modules over time. It is not easy to reset your subconscious, and it takes time and practice. I had already been working on healing whatever junk I might have in my subconscious during this entire pregnancy. I have an amazing and gifted healer as one of my good friends, and she worked with me quite a bit as well.
So between that work and because I had already read so much of this info many times before, I’m not gonna lie when I say I bought the “pain free birth” program and went straight to the modules on pushing, skipping everything else. I mean hey, I was already a week overdue when I bought it, so I didn’t know how much time I had before this baby would arrive!
The few extra things I learned would change EVERYTHING......
Contractions had been somewhat consistent all day. They weren’t bad at all, but I could tell they were much more productive than Braxton Hicks, and I had known for a couple of weeks that baby was down low and in the right position. I knew that once labor started, it likely wouldn’t be too long.
Crazy side note here: my midwives only had clearance to deliver my baby until midnight. After that, I’d be over 42 weeks and be “required” (ha!) to birth at the hospital- which I already told them I’d do unassisted home birth before I set foot in a hospital right now!
We set the kids up downstairs with a movie, and I texted my midwife at 10pm and told her we were filling the birthing tub and contractions had picked up, so they better head over.
I hopped in the tub at 10:30, and by this point contractions were pretty close and intense, so I closed my eyes and sank into each of them, relaxing as much as I could into each wave.
Besides the solfeggio frequency music Mitch put on for me, it was totally quiet. The midwives arrived and besides checking my vitals and baby’s heartbeat once, they didn’t touch or talk to me at all- which was exactly what I needed.
I was determined for this birth to be different, but honestly didn’t know at all how I would react when it came time to “push”.
All I knew is I had helped birth several litters of puppies and kittens in my life, and it always blew me away that there was never a time they “pushed”. Their babies always just came out. Their bodies KNEW what to do.
Now I know we are quite a bit more complex than a dog or cat, but I also know that my body was intricately and perfectly created to be able to do this without issue. I just needed to TRUST the process.
Relinquish ALL control.
So that’s what I did! I totally surrendered to my body.
In my mind I repeated
This picture is actually time stamped 11:33, and was taken as I was actually breathing the baby out!
“I trust you, body! I trust this process. I am perfectly made by my Creator, and I was made for this! I trust you, sweet baby! Do you trust me? You can trust me! We can do this!”
So I hung in that space, just me, baby and God, trusting each other and the process during this sacred and beautiful time.
I was totally quiet and barely made a sound as a breathed my baby down. I knew she was way down, and I’d be pushing her out soon, and attempted to tell Mitch that but no one understood me and it was too much work to even try and be present in the physical world!
The very first FER (fetal ejection reflex) took me by surprise and snapped me out of my place of peace and panic returned. I briefly screamed and freaked out and then thought to myself “No! This isn’t happening this way. Go back in! Find that connection again. WE CAN DO THIS”
So back in I went, focusing now on the “J breath” which is a specific inward breathing technique to do instead of pushing. As the FER sensation rose up, I met it with my breathing, and was SHOCKED that there was no pain! It was still a VERY intense pressure, but the pain and panic was not present. That second sensation brought her head partially out, and I did feel some pain from the “ring of fire” but didn’t dwell on it as another was coming and I knew baby would be out soon! One more breath and my body pushed her out, head and body in one! I reached down and pulled her up to me- in total awe that WE DID IT.
(27 minutes before midnight! Ha!)
There is truly no feeling on earth like this!
Looking into the eyes for the first time of my sweet baby!
So in love
Nursing right away!
We trusted each other and the process and we did it! My dream was that I would be able to go through this birth with no interference, to be present the entire time with total peace.
I cannot even describe it- yes, you are here physically- but you’re also not at all here. It was just me, the Creator and my babe, working together in a totally different and sacred realm. Ushering this precious soul from the spiritual world into the physical, right into the safety of my arms.
The midwives arrived right as I was getting in the birth tub at 10:30, and she arrived at 11:33. Everyone was super surprised when she came out, I had been so quiet and peaceful and the midwives had been hands off, not checking me to see dilation or any of that. Which was EXACTLY what I wanted! I have never had a birth with such little intervention, and it was extremely empowering! Being able to catch my own babe is such a gift, and I am still in total bliss thinking back on it.
My recovery so far has been incredible! So much less soreness, no tearing and the initial swelling I did have was minimal and gone the next day. I fully believe this is because I worked WITH my body and not against it during that pushing stage.
Birth is so sacred! It should not be feared, but should be celebrated and looked forward to! We have the honor of bringing these precious souls from the spiritual world, earthside! So we should be doing so with excitement and peace!
Cahira Rikki James
born at 11:33, September 19
8lbs 1oz 21” long
Cahira means “warrior”, and I have no doubt this precious baby will make a huge impression on this world. She has a purpose being born during such a crazy time here, and I have no fear that my little warrior will do mighty things!
She is already absolutely ADORED by her siblings, and none of us can imagine life without her!
Meeting big sister Calestis for the first time
Carstyn is so proud!
Caiphas getting his snuggles in
Big sister Caiya
Big sister #3, Cavilyn
Big brother Calix
Oldest Calandra with the youngest, Cahira
Tiny baby in daddy’s arms
I plan on doing a more in depth post on birth—
I have done it all! 2 hospital with inductions and epidurals, 1 c-section, and 5 natural births with midwives, 3 being HBAC.
I would love to show more of how to prepare for a home birth, and many of the different healing modalities I used over the years that brought me to where I am today with the birthing process.
but for now- here’s a link to the pain free birth Ecourse I talk about above: